Dear No one in particular,
There are days where I don’t want to get out of bed.
There are days where I can’t close my eyes because all I see is regret.
There are days where I feel empty.
There are days where I feel as though I have not achieved enough for my age
…and there are days where I feel fine.
No Matter how I feel I try my best. Even if my best is getting out of bed and getting dressed. I acknowledge every little achievement and try not to let other expectations drown my own. I remind myself that I need to focus on not worrying about every little detail… even though it can be a challenge.
And… I accept that it can be a challenge, that there will be days where I feel I have failed my friends, my family, and myself. It may seem as though I am a letdown, but I am far from that because I have achieved my goals.
I acknowledge that my goals may be minimal to others, may seem like everyday expectation rather than an individual goal…. “getting dressed is a part of the day, not a goal… you’re just lazy.”
But I won’t listen to others, or at least I’ll try.
There will be days where I fail, and give up hope. Until I remember why I am here. That the only person who got me to where I am now is me. I know I will cry, I know I will try to hide and I know I will say I can’t do this anymore… but I am still where I am because of me.
Of course, I have other goals, some are small (attend class) and some are large (apply for my masters). In some way, I still want to achieve them no matter what. No matter how I feel, I will accomplish them.
After many years, I finally realized the only person who should be able to take away achievements or downplay them is myself. I am the only person who can build myself up and achieve what I set out for myself. Not others.
Even if tomorrow I think differently, or become too anxious… I know these words somewhere in my heart are true.
The Anxious Girl